Week thirty-two.

Micah and Phineas:

• Are now transverse (both laying horizontally that is), heads to Laura's left and feet to her right. I guess that my bruised right ribs indicate they're more into running than boxing... Andrew should be pleased. They'll apparently settle on a position around the end of March.
• Are now around the four pound mark. Five pounds, or a bag of flour each, is the average delivery weight for twins... getting there!
• According to this week's appointment, have plenty of amniotic fluid to float around in these days.

Laura:

• So far this week has shattered a plate, chipped a bowl, and tried to drink coffee without the mug touching her lips. This kind of stuff does end after the babies arrive, right? Sort of? Because if I can't hold a plate I don't know about two infants.
• Learned more than she EVER wanted to know about pelvic floor muscles and ways to exercise them at a class. Just knowing all the women around you are doing kegels at the same time you are is rather disconcerting.
• Also has been learning about c-sections. Ugh. Something worse than normal birth, really? Quite content to read concise descriptions, will not be watching any videos thank you very much. Although I am very appreciative to be going through this in the current era rather than, say, the 19th century...
• Had an appointment this week, and one a week for the next two weeks at least. So much for every two weeks? But hey I'd rather be thorough! And this practice has a Starbucks and Trader Joe's next door so no complaining from this lady.

Andrew:

• I have no idea what to post for him this week. 

Super awesome book.

Thanks to Becky, I am now chock full of elaborate illustrations and quirky details about pregnancy, birth, and the all-amazing infant development. Behold a quote from the book she gave me:

It's a whole different world in the womb. Apt analogies are hard to come by. I once read an account of childbirth that compared the emerging fetus to a surfacing scuba diver. Both of them move from a watery environment to an air-filled world, the author wrote. Each carries an oxygen supply-an air tank for the diver, a placenta for the fetus. At the moment of transition they simply toss aside their now obsolete underwater gear and take a big gulp of fresh air.  

That analogy only goes so far. If a diver really were like a fetus, his lungs would be filled with seawater, his air tank would be connected to his belly button, and half his blood supply would be floating in a sac outside his body. On his way up from the depths he'd squeeze the extra blood back into his body, force the water out of his lungs, and permanently rearrange the flow of blood through his heart. Then he'd pop to the surface, naked and screaming. If diving and childbirth were identical processes, Jacques Cousteau might never have gotten in the water. (Dr. Mark Sloan, Birth Day)

 Man. If you want to know all the gory detail about this process and laugh and appreciate birth simultaneously, you should get this book. He describes a fetus' brain as pudding, gorilla uteruses as squished toilet paper tubes, and apparently the classic flat-on-the back dorsal decubitus position for labor is all King Louis XIV's fault.

Week thirty one.

Micah and Phineas:

• Are causing belly protuberances of enormous size. It's getting eerier by the day. However, Andrew has yet to observe or feel many of these movements which to me means, a) he has no patience, b) the shrimps are fearful of strange hands or c) he causes them to fall instantly asleep. If it's the third one I will be super excited.
• Have caused a number of weird dreams, like Laura having the babies and going right back to work, forgetting them at the hospital... or growing at an abnormally fast rate and being evil five year olds.
• Are hardening their skeletons, all except for that squish-able skull that infants have... boy is my pelvis glad of that evolutionary trait.
• Are working, as always, on becoming fatter... as well as developing those lungs. Thus the hiccuping, I suppose.
• Have gotten so many gifts from friends and family- thanks!!!

Laura:

• Body continues to succumb to pregnancy weirdness:
• Can't recline at ~130 degrees and look at a screen without getting woozy. Seriously.
• Feels like her navel will just pop out of her body at any moment. 
• Is officially on leg-shaving vacation... I bet you all wanted to know that. Not that I've been trying very hard, as it's winter and I like to save hot water, but it's now certifiably not worth the effort. 
• Can no longer hide behind telephone poles
• Is hoping for warmer weather soon as the maternity pants are starting to get a little tight... dresses sound really nice.
• In addition to ice cream, has been eating a number of salads, tons of citrus, and really digging fruit juice lately. There is hope for me yet.

Andrew:

• Again, was AWESOME this past weekend. Driving 16 hours, working remotely, schlepping gifts. My brain is present, for the most part, but as my body protests more and more "normal" activity I definitely appreciate him more.
• Made pizza tonight for dinner.
• Perhaps doubts the existence of his children as they never squirm around when he's looking or patting my belly. See above.

Showers of many kinds in three states...

So we had 20" of snow or so in Maryland last Thursday and Friday. No power outage, no work for Laura, same old same old for Andrew. However, the roads were clear enough Friday to go to Ohio!

Highlights:

• Dad made snow twins to greet everyone in the front yard.
• Aaron and Anna came all the way from Milwaukee- fun albeit brief time:-)
• Mom and Anna are masters at the art of [gift] showering. I recommend their services.
• Had about fifteen lovely ladies there for the event Saturday, was wonderful to see everyone!
• Andrew drove the whole way and worked in the basement all Saturday, what a spouse.

Afterward, we "swung by" Upland to catch up on shoveling at the house, and also got to see Uncle Gary, Aunt Lynn, Jessie and David- probably for the last time pre-babies. All in all an exhausting but really really nice weekend.

 

Snow twins

Andrew made it out of the basement!

Anna gifted some of her recently-produced boys' clothes from Kohls

Week thirty.

I have no patience, apparently. Have already shared all the juicy bits of this week... but dedicated to posting every Thursday anyway! Hope you're appreciative, readers.

Shrimp Micah and Shrimp Phineas:

• Are getting fatter and brainier every day. These are good things, and mean that I must keep on eating baked goods with nuts I think. Preferably chocolate. Bring me chocolate walnut brownies. For the boys, that is.
• Together weigh as much as a full term baby. Here's hoping they top out at 14 pounds, max??

Laura:

• Is mostly just tired and unmotivated, although the realization that there are 5 - 6 weeks left has lit a nice fire of fear and motivation...
• Really is digging the laundry detergent she made with Anna in January- works really well and has yet to break the machine! Good option for baby stuff too.

Andrew:

• Is just plugging away at things and trying to respond accordingly to Laura's emotion(s) of the day. 

Snow Monster:

• We've finally gotten a respectable winter storm here, after so much anticipation and news of the snow around Philadelphia. They actually shut down the county government today, which meant no work for this girl. Fifteen to twenty four inches, so they say. I was able to pick a path in my galoshes, though, that did not go over the boot tops. 
• Crossing our fingers the monster will be under control so we can go to Ohio this weekend for our third and final (?) shower... excited to see everyone!

Hallelujah!

First appointment at the new practice today, FINALLY. And very pleasing results to boot.

The practice:

• Actually seems to know what it's doing! I came with a list of questions but they were pretty much all answered before I could open my mouth.
• Has six doctors that do deliveries, one of which is always on call.
• Is affiliated with Holy Cross, a super legitimate hospital not too far from us.
• Referred us to classes at Holy Cross, some of which I hope we sign up for tonight (especially the one titled, "AHHH... It's a Baby!", as it sounds fantastic)

Laura:

• Seems to have gone over the 20 lb. weight gain by a bit... not bad considering 6+ pounds of that is pure baby.
• All in all seems to be as healthy as a horse (where did this phrase come from? I can't imagine horses are always healthy). The sonogram specialist and doctor just love my cervix right now. Weird. Explaining cervixes and their various measurements to your husband is also weird. Knowing that there's little chance of prescribed bed rest, though, is awesome.
• Is going to 2 week intervals for appointments now.
• Understands the timeline a bit better now... if babies were cookies and weeks were minutes, twins need to bake for 35 to 38 instead of the 37 to 40 for singletons. 39 or 40 are just a no go. If we were to schedule a C-section, it might be as early as 34 or 35. I'm just hoping I can get through the end of March at work...

Micah and Phineas:

• Have not understood what I said about weight gain, sleep cycles, and movement so far. They're still kicking my organs, ugh.
• Weigh in at over 3 pounds each, are right on track with each other and where they should be.
• Boy A (we'll see which one looks more like a Micah and visa versa when they come out) is DONE with this whole belly life, it seems. He's head down waaaayyyyy down at the bottom.
• Boy B is still just chilln' like a villain, head up and generally enjoying himself. 
• This means natural birth is probably a decent option... although if Boy B doesn't shift himself around there could be some C-section discussion. 

Tsk, tsk.

I have to say that we are super underwhelmed by your responses to the name choices, guys. Come on now. So, if you haven't had your say-so on names and you're not sure about what you see below, you have no one to blame but yourself. it's like that part in a wedding ceremony where they ask for objections. No going back.

Right. So as of yesterday, the names we're going to work with are:

Micah Brant

and

Phineas Beck (will be called Phin a lot)

Fun things for you to know:

• Micah was a prophet, Phineas was a priest. Andrew is pleased.
• Micah means "who is like God?" and if you take the h off, a fun mineral.
• Brant is a Vogel family name. It's also a goose.
• Phineas means mouth of brass. He's also a high priest that stopped a plague with his immediate and zealous and rather extreme action... will let you find that one on your own. 
• Beck is a shortening of Aschenbeck. It's also a legit boy name, y'all. And a beer. And it means brook. 

Week twenty-nine.

Shrimps:

• I was hoping to have fun information from a sonogram but alas the "ice storm" caused my appointment to be rescheduled for next week.
• It seems that these guys have finally concluded that they can't grow up into my ribcage, as the meat tenderizer situation has subsided. Presumably then they'll expand outward which means I will soon be cutting holes in blankets and wearing them as ponchos to cover my girth... 
• The Mayo Clinic agrees! Now that we're in month eight, two beautiful things are happening. The shrimps are packing on the ounces, meaning less kicking and generally using mom's bladder as a punching bag (because there's no space). Also they're developing more normal sleep cycles, so less all night dance parties.
• The name game! We are about 98% certain of one name- Micah Brant. Other names we are thinking about for Shrimp 2, probably with Beck as a middle name:
• Phineas (whether we like it or not, probably will mostly be called Phin/Finn)
• Judah
• Cyrus
  
  Let us know your thoughts! Although ultimately we'll pick something and give you time to get used to it:-).

Laura:

• Got a glucose test last week, results yet to be seen. Red kool-aid glucose is gross. Also am I the only person ever that has trouble removing that gunky outline from the tape/gauze combo they use after needling you? Think it took three or four days before I managed to get it all off...
• Is surprised by my disinterest in nesting. I would like the house to be in order, but it has more to do with being in a new place than where baby accessories go... thought for sure I'd go a little crazy with this stuff. That's okay though. 
• People have now been comfortable making pregnancy comments toward me. I guess I really look pregnant now. Although I wish I had a better poker face so I could deny it. Andrew pulled it off once so far, and it was AMAZING. Not many belly touching scenarios, but wishing I had the guts to touch the other person's belly if they touch mine without asking. I want to spread awareness of how awkward it is.

Andrew:

• Researched, purchased, and installed a dishwasher- BAM. The guy at Lowe's tried to talk us out of our top Consumer's Report choice, silly silly man. We have the real facts. 
• Is our social coordinator- he's arranged for 70% of our friend-building activities the last couple weeks... Aside from just knowing it's good for us, I think perhaps he's plotting ways that he can either a) get away from me for an evening if I get on a hormonal crying jag, or b) make sure I have friends I can go to if I get on a hormonal crying jag. 
• Had a lovely lunch meeting with his boss this week, and will be getting an extra week off when the shrimps are born hooray!

Other things to know:

• Kitten is hanging upside-down from the cat tower behind me, chewing on her tail.
• Our first choice in au pairs, Susanne, has accepted! We started the process really early (they recommend you choose at least a month before they would start... July in our case), so I think she really must like us! We can't wait to meet her/introduce you all to her.

Stupid, stupid Eve.

I'm guessing this is all Eve's fault, pain in childbirth whatnot. Although if she knew what she was in for, I think she would have passed on a talking reptile offering fruit. Also maybe woman could have been shorted the rib instead of man, to make more baby room.

For the last couple nights, I've been waking up feeling like someone took a meat tenderizer to my ribs. Since we don't own this instrument and I can't imagine why Andrew would do such a thing to me, I can only conclude that this is due to "rib flaring." Basically an expanding uterus taking up so much room that the bottom of my ribcage is suffering the consequences. Beyond just the ribcage, I can look forward to other squished organs as well... I'm glad I don't live inside my body because man just thinking about my crammed interior makes me a little freaked out. This is why twins don't go past 40 weeks, people. 

This is a meat tenderizer, folks. Now of course Andrew wants one.

What does this mean for my life right now? Mostly that slouching hurts. The most comfortable thing to do is arch my back and cross my arms over my head, but that is not socially acceptable to do constantly in public, right? Also I occasionally panic about the fact that these shrimps will be at least tripling in size before my ribs and organs get a break. Also sleeping on my side is no longer the one solution. Although sleeping on my back hurts my back. So beyond my complex nest of pillows, I have now added a rotation of sleeping positions which makes me feel a bit like a rotisserie chicken.

That's all the venting for now, I think. If anyone wants to send me sympathy ice cream it would be appreciated.